prickly

Yesterday was a day that was meant to be great fun. Activity-wise it was. Troy, an old friend, was in town. We went hiking with Jacob and our dogs and then we swam (alas, not at Barton Springs). Troy and I went to a picnic at a friend's house, then chilled on my patio bullshitting, and Jacob came over to join us.

Yet, all day I was on edge. I felt over-scheduled and cramped for time. I was frustrated with my dog (who pissed in my house) and I had a short fuse with Jacob, and since we're still navigating our friendship, post a serious 4-year relationship, this ended up clouding my mood.

It's not often I get overwhelmed with the desire to be alone. Usually it's easy. I say "later" and leave my friends doing whatever fun thing we were already doing. But a houseguest meant I couldn't curl up on my couch with a book like I wanted. (Well I could've, but didn't want to)

Hanging out with Troy was great. He's an enigmatic person I've known forever. There is no one else quite like him, and we always have interesting conversation. Last night was no different: we covered polyamory, rating systems for whether someone is attractive, the lines between friendships and sexual relationships, and his trips to Burning Man.

Yet every trip to go pee, I thought to myself, I could just go to bed right now and that would be great. Troy and I were doing OK connecting, but Jacob and I were not. I was argumentative and easily annoyed all day and I took it out on him and had fake smiles for everyone else. I hate that shit. Don't get me wrong, I had fun yesterday. I met cool people at the picnic, and our hike on the Green Belt was great. But ever time I thought I was on the recovery road to "Fun and Happy," I got sucked back into "Prickly". And I really prefer to be prickly and alone.

A large part of me wants to blame it on PMS. However, I am not typically subject to hormone-related mood swings so it feels like an excuse (though more than one person has remarked that I might be more prone to them then I think). But damn, I was overly-sensitive and really had to work to go with the flow. Maybe it was just a case of waking up on the wrong side of the
bed.

Now, I am blissfully alone in at my place listening to a new CD I just bought, and I plan on treasuring that until I meet a friend for drinks, another social commitment in an overly-committed weekend.