Just a Taste

So I haven't been to work in six days, and life without office attendance has been pretty satisfying, even with some nagging sickness.

I've had the perfect mix of relaxation and stuff to do for the last 6 days. Usually, my weekends consist of a long to-do list, much of which doesn't get done because I get distracted by a call to go eat or some sleeping in or spending 45 minutes doing some random thing on my computer. Sometimes it stresses me out and I spent weeknights trying to catch up on life maintenance.

But with no job to go to for 6 days, I've had plenty of time to screw around, do all my stuff as well as unexpected activities, and fit in an obscene amount of sleeping induced by my cold.

I've gotten a taste of what it would be like were I unemployed right now. And I like it. I've got time for life projects, and I don't feel like I'm in a rush. And I don't care if I don't get my list done. I could spend weeks doing this. If I didn't have to worry about money that is.

I would be thrilled if every day was like Friday, where I woke up early, cleaned my kitchen, made pancakes, did a bunch of work on my computer, read a lot, went to yoga, took Amber on a long walk in a new neighborhood, took 2 short naps, had yummy dinner, and played a little Half Life 2.

I did all the stuff I wanted to do without having to follow a rigid check list of 15 items. I did make myself a little weekend schedule in pen on the back of some notes. It was more of a list of the 3 things I wanted to do per 8 hours instead of the usual 8 things per 3 hours. It's a relaxed schedule. I swear there is such a thing.

I've ignored much of it due to my cold. I don't feel like doing yoga when snot will escape my nose every time I drop my head, and I don't want to play Half Life at my uncomfortable desk when I could be on my couch under a blanket.

Even with a cold, it's been a great few days. Tomorrow, I am going to be a sad commuter.

Framed

I just finished reading don't think of an elephant!, a primer by George Lakoff on how to articulate progressive values, and combat the stranglehold conservatives have on political debate in this country.

Go read this book! It's a quick read and cost $10, and if that isn't enough, it is published by Chelsea Green Publishing, a sustainable business enterprise.

Big thanks to Chris for recommending it, and suggesting I just go buy my own copy instead of waiting in line to read his.

Now, I am off to go check out Rockridge Institute to find more specifics on framing the debate.

Whoo, Friday nights are fun!

Exhausting Success

At 1 pm, I started chopping onions and washing lettuce. At 9:30 pm we were finishing dessert. And I am exhausted!

By all accounts dinner was a resounding success. Everything tasted delicious, there were no fatal dish errors, and there was only one small injury. Brian and I had a good time cooking and worked really well together in my kitchen, even with lots of reaching around each other.  We figure we can open a restuarant and serve about 8 people a day. It'll be damn fine food, though we won't make any money.

So we used every dish, pot, pan, and utensil in my kitchen - twice. I may have spent as much time cleaning dishes and countertops as I did preparing and cooking. But with 2 sauces, 2 vegetable dishes, pasta, salad, dressing, and bruschetta all needing prepping, there was a lot of mess to be dealt with. This is the first meal I've made where I actually had to think about the cooking order to make sure everything was done at the right time. We had all 4 burners and the oven in use at once.

We made everything from scratch, except the bread. And while my feet and shoulders hurt from standing, chopping, cleaning, and stirring, it was super fun. We drank while we cooked. We were running late, making a mess, and some mistakes. And it wasn't stressful. So what if I cut all the spinach before boiling it and then accidently threw it out. Get more spinach. Try again. This is how Thanksgiving should be.

I started meat sauce at 1 pm and it was happily warming on the back burner when Brian showed up a little before 2 pm (late) with 2 bags of cooking supplies, Steph and Andrew, but minus one of the critical cookbooks. He made a trip back to his house, while I drank wine and cleaned spinach.

Upon his return, he made the galette and pasta doughs. I made ravoli filling, salad dressing, and bruschetta. And had some more wine. Brian made mushroom lemon cream sauce and the filling for the galettes. And had some more wine.

We took an appetizer break when Liz showed up and then Brian, Liz, Steph and Andrew cranked out pasta, while I prepped brussel sprouts and spinach sides. Pasta rolling went much better than our practice run, and I made an emergency second batch of filling in under 10 minutes.

Dinner presentation was lacking a bit. I have only a couple of nice dishes and it was all jammed on a table. The raw spinach filled an enormous bowl, but cooked it looked ridiculous in the large bowl.

Also, I learned why I need an apron. Brian made one with a t-shirt of mine, and I had a dish towel tucked into my pants. It's awfully handy to have something to wipe your hands on every 2 minutes.

The mushroom sauce was a little lemony and I think the spinach needed more butter (though with a stick and half of butter between the brussel sprouts and the spinach, they didn't really need more butter) The ravolis were piled on layers of wax paper and some got a little smushed.

Brian's desset was fucking great, as were the brussel sprouts covered in much smoked gruyere, and of course the ravoli group project was fantastic. After we were all full, we stood near the table, eating plain ravoli out of the dish.

Andrew, Steph, Liz and Ryan, who showed up for a plate of salad and dessert, rocked the house on the piles and piles of dirty dishes while Brian and I laid in my living room commending ourselves for a job well done and complaining of our tiredness.

I did more work in my kitchen today than I did all of last week at work. Awesome! Who's coming next year?

Everywhere is water

So it’s been raining for days here. And not cool thunderstorms with a quick shower and then some sunshine. It’s been pouring, dark, dreary and humid (it's Texas after all) for days upon days.

It’s very un-Texas like and definitely makes me want to crawl under the covers with a book.  But I’ve managed to fight the nap instinct lately.

Saturday, I went to a party at my friend Dan’s house, where his roommate debuted her band, The Katie Badger Band. She has a really pretty voice and some of her lyrics were awesome. After they put their guitars away, the karoke came out, the lights were dimmed, the strobe light started blinking, and the tequila shots were poured.

I left pretty early, but it was a good time and looked like it was going to last to the wee hours. Since I got email from Dan at 6:21 pm Sunday night, where he said he was “feeling pretty close” to normal, I guess it did.

Sunday night, Brian and I did a trial run of the homemade ravoli we are making for Thanksgiving, went to see Ellen Allien and had an adventure driving in the rain. Read all about it here, since Brian pretty much covered it. I guess that’s what I get for waiting to until morning to post.

Thanksgiving dinner is going to rock. I’m really excited about our menu and all the food we’re prepping. We modified it again last night when we realized exactly how much food we were making. Now it’s this.

Appetizer:
Bruschetta with white beans

Salad:
Mixed field greens with fresh dressing

Dinner:
Ricotta and spinach filled handmade ravolis with choice of meat sauce or mushroom cream sauce
Spinach w/ butter and garlic
Brussel Sprouts w/ browned butter and smoked gruyere (A cooking night recipe)

Dessert:
Cranberry and Walnut Galettes
Ice Cream

And we’re drinking lots and lots of wine.

Perfect Timing

I got the second issue of Brette's comic today in the mail. And really, it couldn't have been better timing.

I've been in not such a great mood lately, due mostly to lots of self-analysis with the help of my somewhat new foray into seeing a therapist. It's been good up until recently. And it's still good. Just, um, a bit harder.

Anyway, after a weekend of terrible weather (I was supposed to be camping) and no heat in my house, I left this morning to head to work in an unsurprisingly foul mood. I was expecting the worst from today.

I left work to come home and meet the heat fixing guy who said repairs could be anywhere from $66 to $2800. I got home expecting to need a new heating unit and having to forsake travel all of next year to pay for it, when I found Narrow Bridge in my mailbox.

And then the nice repair man found an unconnected wire which took him 5 minutes and $66 to fix. Since I could've fixed it myself if I bothered to take the thermostat apart I was still a little annoyed, but hey I didn't need to deplete my savings. And my house isn't uncomfortably-chilly-but-not-quite-cold-enough-to-leave anymore.

And back at work, I went to a good meeting where I felt useful and productive.

And after another unfortunate couple of hours of a bad day, I had a fantastic yoga class, and then I finally got to read Narrow Bridges. And it was great!

Surprise mail from a friend goes a long way toward brightening a day. Thanks Brette!

Centered

So I'm collected now, not angry like I was on Wednesday. My sadness and anger left me with a good idea about what I'm going to do. And that's head right. I'm kidding...mostly.

Like others, (Randy,Chris, Robin) I'm ready to do something. There is a lot of energy on the progressive side, and it's about damn time we get our act together. The conservatives have at least a decade of brilliant, cunning political strategy on us. We're finally getting better at the messaging game and at using technology to reach out and organize. This election cycle was the beginning of something powerful and good, even with disappointment and defeat.

As for me, I've had another political awakening as well.

In the last few days, I've been reading a good amount of news and editorials trying to make sense of Where We Are Now. There has been much written about why the Democrats failed to get the votes, and we are well aware of how successful the Republican party has been on charging up the conservative Evangelicals with simple messages that have nothing to do with policy.

Something struck me. I am the liberal elitist who looks down at Middle America. I think they supported Bush because they didn't know any better. That they were brainwashed by God, Fox News and campaign lies. And that, my friends, is bullshit.

I'm not smarter than everyone else. I can't assume I am politically wiser or more open-minded because I fall decidedly left of our current government and many voters. I, in fact, have demonstrated that I am not more open-minded by my eagerness to write off Bush supporters as stupid religious zealots. There are not 59 million religious conservatives in this country. In fact, smart people I respect immensely voted for Bush. And they aren't bible-thumping homophobes.

Sure, there have been some telling studies showing that Bush supporters believe there are links between Iraq and Al Queda. The right has been ruthless about framing the issues to not be about policy, but about hot button emotional issues, with Fox News helping them right along. But why did people vote for Bush? My trusty left sources tell me its Fox, stupidity and religion. But it's not that simple. Nothing is ever that simple. For someone who likes being in the gray, I made supporting Bush or Kerry a black or white issue. Shame on me.

So where does that leave me? Humbled and curious. Humbled by the realization that I haven't been open-minded, empathetic or compassionate lately. And that at some point, I stopped being willing to listen.

I'm curious to know why people voted for Bush and why they think he will do a good job. After all, he is my President for another 4 years and raging fury at the mention of his name isn't productive. It's only made me a voice of embittered liberal rhetoric.

Don't get me wrong. I still think Bush is going to continue leading this country in the wrong direction on many levels. I don't think Bush is going to move more to the center seeking a middle-ground with us liberals. I think he's going to attempt tax and health care reform that helps the rich much more than the people who need it most, and that he is going to pursue aggressive war-first international policy, promote backward social and environmental agendas, and cater to his corporate buddies. His religious zealotry scares the crap out of me, and I don't feel like our country is safer from the threat of terrorists. In fact, I feel more threatened.

I'm not backing down on my progressive political stance, but I am coming back to center when it comes to discussing and debating politics. I want to engage in political discussions where I can learn from someone as much as they can learn from me.

I want to better understand the reasons people support Republicans, and give strong argument for why progressive candidates better match their beliefs without being condescending or self-righteous. I want to better understand policy, laws, dollars and sense to what I believe and what I *think* others believe. And I will listen when I get the same, and maybe they'll be right. There is compromise.

For the last couple of months, I've been thinking about whether I want to get more involved in public policy. You know, the heavy questions: What am I doing with my life? How do I make this world a better place? How much of my time, energy and soul do I dedicate to that? Do I got back to school and get another degree? If, so what? Do I want to be social worker, or a lawyer or journalist (again)? What do I want to fight for - abortion or gay rights, campaign finance reform, or education?

I don't know what I want to do, or even if public policy is the right place for me. I'm not done with video games, that's for sure. But I've been a vocal opponent to, well almost everything, from the sidelines for a while, and now it's time to get
involved.

But my attitude is going to change. In the rest of my life, I've been working on being more centered, less prone to extremes, more able to be thoughtful about the choices I make. Compromise, open communication, and some humility are all key to that.

And they are key to making a real impact on who people vote for. I've always considered myself someone who bridged the gap. In school, I had diverse groups of friends, was involved in all sorts of activities. I stood up for what I believed in. I wasn't bullied by popularity or the masses. And when I was armed with facts on something I believed in, I was an impressive debater, educator and organizer. I want to be that person again, instead of just spewing off my liberal rhetoric to a group of people who agree with me.

I'm motivated to have a positive contribution to political debate, education and policy making. And I've got the beginnings of a project in my head. Since I am a better implementor of other people's ideas than a visionary, it's gonna take me a while to get it all sorted out. I'll be asking for help when I do, and I hope some of you will be interested.

God Bless the Drafthouse

It's unfortunate that the Alamo Drafthouse must have known that there would be depressed people in Austin today when they made their calendar last month. And that these people were likely to be the liberal-
type wanting to escape to technicolor munchkins and psychedelic rock.

Dark Side of the Rainbow was at the Drafthouse tonight only. For those who were not stoners in college, it's Pink Floyd's Dark Side Over the Moon played over Wizard of Oz and it is timed just right to be remarkably in sync way more times than coincidence allows to happen.

The Escape Plan karma must have driven me to read my weekly Drafthouse email because I never read it. Brian and I were commiserating over IM when I saw it. Tickets were bought immediately.

The walk from his place was beautiful and eery. After a Halloween in the 80s, the weather dropped 40 degrees. It feels like November. Real November. Where the air is crisp and you are bundled up and your ears are cold and your breath is sharp. We
walked down a quiet street with awnings in sweaters and jackets and I felt like I was in college again. I wanted a cigarette so bad I could taste it.

I can't say I feel better, but 4 hours of outside ordinary is settling, and that it couldn't have been more needed, energizing or perfect. I recommend planning your Escape. I'm going to wake up with a clearer head tomorrow. I can feel it.

so this is where we are

There are 58,878,565 people who think President Bush is doing the right thing. I want to bury myself under my covers and not come out until it’s all over.

But it won’t be all over. Not in 4 years and not in 20. With a Republican conservative majority in all branches of our government, we’re going to be living the results of their social and economic policy, legislation, and court appointments for a long time.

How the fuck did this happen? This isn’t my country. These aren’t my fellow citizens.

I’m angry, confused and overwhelmingly sad. While I’m not surprised that I am disappointed, I am shocked at the depth of my despair. I feel like someone I care about has just died. Bush’s re-election (or election as it is) feels painfully personal.

I know that this election cycle is going to have positive effects on my life, but right now I can only flip between angry and numb.

When I get my head together, I’ll post articulately about how I feel about this election, but for right now, I am just sharing. The commiserating with friends is helping.

pushing the cart

Shopping is one of the things I like to do by myself. I rarely go with a friend. I can (usually) manage to buy bathing suits, jeans and all the other things that have high potential to look crappy and need a second opinion quite successfully without help so it never occurs to me to go shopping, for anything, with a friend.

But this weekend, I needed to go to Costco, the bulk-food warehouse place (which BTW, treats its employees pretty well, especially compared to its competitor Sam's Club/Wal-Mart which has terrible, terrible employment practices) and since I don't have a membership I needed Liz to take me.

I forgot how fun it can be to shop with company. Liz, Ruth and I hit Costco yesterday afternoon. We pointed to ridiculously enormous containers of tuna and mayonnaise. Aisle after aisle our passion for Cheese-Its, Gold Fish, Wheat Thins and other not-very-healthy snacks grew. We discussed Brazilian waxes (in the shaving cream aisle), and preferred methods for soaking up blood (in the tampon section). We cheered Ruth's new luggage deal, and Liz evangalized the tastiness of Costco broccoli. On the way to Costco, we discussed politics and on the way home, we covered sex. Really, that's much more interesting than driving alone.

Ruth and I enjoyed a cup of her newly purchased Ruta Maya Organic French Roast coffee when we got back to her house. It's so rare to just sit and have a cup of coffee and bullshit.
In other weekend news, I bailed on Halloween altogether. After all the early costume prep work, I wasn't excited to do anything and there weren't any compelling parties or shows to get me suited up.

I did go to Rita and Sergio's awesome house for a costume optional party (I wore jeans and a t-shirt) where Rita costumed me in a ridiculous fruit hat and Rebekah, Rita, Tara and I sang 80s songs on the rooftop deck while the boys watched horror movies downstairs. OK, so I didn't do a lot of the singing, but it still was some good icing on the "day of good girl time" cake.